Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
