i think my tv is drunk
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
