I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
