You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
