Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
