happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This baby is an asshole
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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