Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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