is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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