I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
