Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
