Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
