maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
