so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
