I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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