So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
