how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
