we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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