Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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