Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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