I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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