Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
