u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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