You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
