you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
