So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
