Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
