Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
