Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
