Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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