At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
