Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Drake has all the answers
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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