she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
