I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
