Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
