buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
