Did you just see the Batmobile???
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
