how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
