im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
