apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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