Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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