i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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