Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
