i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
