So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
