waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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