I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
