That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
