ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
