I think I won the penis lottery.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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