my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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