Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
