If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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