id be glad to
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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