Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
