What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
bring money and cleavage
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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