I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish i was in the wii world.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
